from my bed, the world looks scary . . .

went to ann's party last night -- it was a good one. i dressed like a gay pirate and drank a whole bottle of rum (that was the drunkest i've been in ages -- funny how when i turned 21, i stopped drinking very often). i woke up this morning, not hungover at all, but feeling down anyway. the light came through my window a mixture of yellow and gray, like the world was on fire. i sat there in my bed, not wanting to get out, unable to think of a good reason why i should. isn't that one of the symptoms of depression listed in all those pamphlets?

"a heart that's full up like a landfill, a job that slowly kills you, bruises that won't heal, you look so tired, unhappy . . ."

i need someone good so bad.