so i'm not doing drugs anymore . . .

. . . as of this weekend. it's been a whole two and a half days since i last smoked. i haven't noticed any changes yet. except that i'm beginning to feel that i can relate to straight people again. and that is a good thing. because most people don't do drugs.

spent some time with kelli last night. every time i'm with her, all i want to do is lean across the table and kiss her. she's convinced herself that she can only love one person. and that person is not me. one day she'll realize that love isn't always enough to make a relationship good. and hopefully one day she'll understand that she deserves to receive the same love she gives.

hot philosophy girl in my modernist poetry class keeps looking my way during class. of course i don't know what to make of this. so fuck it. next time i have the money, she's going to dinner with me. period. i'm tired of sitting around waiting for something to happen. everyone says "don't look for love -- you'll find it when you least expect it." well i'm here to tell you that that is just grade-a fucking bullshit. love only happens when you make it happen. so there.

it's like lennon said, you know, "and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make."

amen.