i want out when i'm fifty-eight.

so i know it's weird to write my first post on the subject of death, but it's been on my mind lately. i don't know what to think of it. we live in a "christian" society that tells us there is life after death. maybe that's true, maybe it isn't. but it doesn't really matter. because we live like it's not. it's like the hope for an afterlife is some lie we tell ourselves to make us feel better about dying. but the only problem is, we can't convince ourselves of our own lie. to truly believe that your death is not the end is to be insane. my goal in life is to be ready to die by the age of fifty-eight. by that time i can accomplish all the things that are really important to me. and hopefully by then i can shake this fear of death that's been ingrained in me since youth. if there is a heaven, i'm ready. if i rot in the ground, that's cool, too.